What's going on??

Is it me?
I'm afraid it is!
Wish it wasn't, but surely am!
All is quite normal, regular, usual and simple.
But I can't do like that!
I rather have it special, make it better, get the best and do it more elaborate!
It's not that I have a "posh" behavior like Dave could say.
It's just my way!
It's how I conceive it, how I foresee it and how I definitely enjoy it!!!
Thing don't quite work very regular around me because they are always presented and produced with an immense lack of competence!
Then I get by blood boiling and all is ruined!
Can't stand it anymore!
Like He said: "Thought I was learning how to live but in fact was learning how to die!"
It's all right, no prob, in fact is O.K.! as long as one knows what's happening!
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At this point, I just wonder what a present reader might think of what is it I'm here talking about?!?!
But, then again, that's for me and only me, to control that!
Ciao.

I Like ............

The Koln Concert is surrounding me now. Good.
When my mind is blank or just dreaming, what better sound to have as a background?
I usually think that if just by some miracle I could know how to perform such a beautiful concert ! God, that would be the maximum ecstasy for me ! What else if such thing could happen, would it please me more? I think no health can overcome this image!
But then again, my piano times are long gone! I can't remember last time I sat in from of one and actually felt the keys!
All I manage to perform nowadays is some typing, and even that not so fast anyway! and who needs to type fast? I'm no secretary or typist, therefore I type just as good as I need! I think I even type faster then I need ! so what?
It's not about typing my real concern. What bothers me is not a keyboard. It's life it self. It's "things" around me. They are not as I wish they should be. They are too few and too less. Too bad and yet never too good. Not even slightly good anyway.
I miss........oh, what is it that I miss? I miss good times I had, I miss some better times that I never reached. I miss so much and so few! In fact I miss nothing at all! To miss is a auckward verb! One can't really miss! One can only do, and have it done. Reach and have it! Bullocks for missing it!
I rephrase it: "I want...." Now, that's better. I want peace in my mind. I have plenty though, but I want more! How differently I qualify "peace" nowadays! Today it means to me, to be in a pleasant environment, pleasant people, have good music and good books. Before, it was all about doing a lot in order to rest for a while and repeat and repeat it on and on and on again. What peace did I have then? That was no peace at all! Was just about working and overworking in exchange for maybe one day a month with a little more sleep time, and a fatter bank account! I don't sleep that much now and about by bank account I prefer not to deepen the subject...
At those times, I was surrounded and followed by a "plastic" group of people and things. Today, and for all that counts, there's only left the kind and truthful layer of people and things! If I analyze that what else can I say besides that I'm better off like this? And yet...... something fails me! what is it? what is it?
This black on white thing of writing it down, really tires me! Really does! I'm off now.

Still The Blues .......

The air is a little too much still and weird !
I haven't quite reach my "normal" mind stability !
Something is the matter ! I just don't know what !
Well I think I actualy do, I know what's the matter with me, I just don't want to figure it out !
I'm affraid I might get even more weird if I do so !
So, my deffense mechanisms work theyr way and get in charge of my brain ! just normal !
And I hope it goes on like this or else I'm in deep s..... !
One day at the time, as reasonable as it may be, and there's a chance to delay some kind of end to it !
Had my coffee by the sea side, done my cross-words as well, got another coffee, read the major papers, got my suns car the "vignette" and back to the net! What else !!
Else? we'll see what tomorrow brings ! Till then !
Ciao

Mill Hill Blues

David, Irene, little Deny, Pete, Lynn?, May, Zinia, and some more that my memory betrays, all you lovely people, I wish you all the best in this life and the next (for those believers), for your kindness.

I used to say that Mill Hill was in the end of the world. Not anymore, in fact it is at the beginning of the world now for me!

Amazingly, after countless visits of constant coldness I was greeted with the most warmth ever received anywhere.

I miss you all and hope we haven?t seen the last of us.
God?s be (of your choice).
João